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There was a time in my life when I wanted to soar on the wings of eagles and claim healing in Jesus’ name.
I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 16, and I wanted to be healed by the blood, touched by the hand of God – with the divine intervention of a miracle. I yearned to be miraculously back to normal – no medication needed.
The faith within me was strong. After being committed to the juvenile psych ward for 3 weeks, the doctor prescribed me antidepressants and antipsychotics, I started an out-patient therapy program, and began my journey back to health. I was claiming Isaiah 53:5 out loud, over myself, over and over. “By His stripes I am healed.”
When I prayed, I confessed my sins, I believed with all my heart and confessed aloud “Father, heal me.”Healing finally came, eight years later. In the form of the hospital doors sealing shut behind me.
Healing finally came.
It was three months in and out of the psych unit,
It was trial and error on my medications,
It was numerous days and nights of unanswered prayers,
It was admission into chaos and confusion,
It was fasting from food and no appetite,
It was shock and ambush to my psyche,
It was making momentary and daily mistakes,
It was the test of my faith in the ultimate crucible,
It was the sifting of my soul,
It was my mind playing tricks on me,
It was coming to reality that medication was the answer,
It was facing the ugliness and monster of my mental illness,
It was admitting that I needed help through medicine and therapy.
I was healed, don’t get me wrong, but it wasn’t a deliverance from bipolar. It was the healing touch of God who said His grace was sufficient. The healing was a journey. Today, I live and lead a full life. I attribute it to the grace of God in answered prayer through medication and therapy. I don’t deal with side effects of medication or symptoms of the disorder, but I don’t consider myself delivered from bipolar.
No, not until this body and mind pass away with the order of life and death, will I be out of the realm of bipolar. I will be how I ought to be – fully alive in a new body and mind – resurrected unto eternal life in Jesus Christ.
Now I search for others who are struggling in their mental illness and desire to comfort and share hope with them. The hope that Jesus promises to all who believe – that come one day, we who belong to the Father will see the face of Jesus and the person of God in a new heaven and earth. It will be a new creation manifested in Jesus’ return and the Almighty God of Heaven and Earth who created all things and through Him all things exist.
And we won’t have mental illnesses or brain-based conditions that makes us sick, that require medications to treat. It will be then that I am delivered from bipolar disorder. For now, it’s subdued and managed, but deliverance isn’t the expectation…yet.